I just read a friend’s post which essentially was one big gripe list to which he signed off saying, “Know that you are still alive only because murder is a crime.” I love his posts especially when he adds a drop of malicious bitterness to them. His post got me thinking about some of the bumperstickers I have seen over the years that resonated with that same particular flavor of disrespectful political incorrectness.

  • “Make the world a better place. Kill Yourself.” I gave this one to my sister when she was living in LA 20 years ago. She taped it briefly to her bumper before acknowledging that the humor was a little too grim even by LA standards.
  • “Pave the Rainforest” I own this one and it sits unused in a box in my daughter’s garage.
  • “Pave the Planet” I own this one too and it sits along side the previous one.
  • “Nuke the gay baby seals” This one pushes all the buttons doesn’t it?
  • “Save the whales. Harpoon a fat chick.” I saw this one on the Texas Gulf coast fixed to the bumper of a rusty pickup truck with two surfboards in the back.
  • “Mom knows” I saw this one on the back of a white convertible Volkswagen Cabriolet being piloted up Conneticut Ave. by a pair of teenage blonds. Thinking about this one always puts a smile on my face.
  • Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth”; seen years and years ago on the back of a classic old pickup truck parked in front of the courthouse in tiny La Grange, Texas.

PS – While I admire the pithiness of certain bumperstickers, I have never felt the need to put one on my car. Probably for the same reasons that I have never been tattooed. It can be pretty hard to commit long term to what more times than not proves out to be no more than a transient impulse.