To kill people.

A person can’t even watch the news anymore without seeing yet another incident of someone murdering someone else with a gun.

This is so stupid because: a. There are no take-backs with guns. Bullets are so irretrievable. You shoot someone in the right place – one time – and it’s a done deal. And b., it is just giving the government one more excuse to take everyone’s guns away.

So I implore all you would be killers out there. Use heavy crystal ashtrays, decorative rocks, solid brass lampstands, tomahawks, a hockey stick, your colleague’s commemorative trophy, your mother’s favorite frying pan – you get the idea – just lay off the damn guns.

You’re giving guns a bad name.

Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.

PS – And always remember. Bludgeoning is a much more personal way to say I hate you.